I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize