im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
