It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
