How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
