it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
