You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
