I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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