I wish I could teleport
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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