you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
