For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
