Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
