I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize