my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize