He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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