I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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