Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
