Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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