I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
