pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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