Welp...herpes.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
