I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
