i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
