dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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