I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
