oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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