I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
