I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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