I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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