how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
