We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
