Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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