your parents love me but you hate me
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
