I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
