Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
