david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
