my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize