why didn't you poke me back
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
