Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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