I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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