Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
