Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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