Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
