if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
