I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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