I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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