Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You are the jesus of drinking
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
