Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize