he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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