I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
