You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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