I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
