So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize