Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My ATM looks so different sober.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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