She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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