You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
