Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
