mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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