and you said cock pushups were impossible
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm sobbing to NWA
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
