I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
