Screwed.edu
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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