Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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