Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my sisters under your porch take her home
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
