I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize