We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
