So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
