i think i have herpe
just one?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
