you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
