im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize