Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
