i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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