I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
