I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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