I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
