the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
