I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Soap is not a condiment
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I could make wine with my vomit
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
